Moving On... Even More.

Entire days go by without me thinking of my ex.  This is a fucking TRIP.  My life was once so consumed with him, his feelings, his worries, his cares, his everything.  Don't get me wrong, I loved caring for a person that intensely, but since the time came for us to end it, I've experienced such a freedom.   Daily caring for my own feelings, worries, cares, more than anything else.

Some people break up and get back together.  We didn't do this.

Some people break up and continue to try being friends.  We didn't do this.

Some people break up but still keep in touch through text messages or phone calls. We didn't even do this.

I needed complete separation, a clean cut.  I needed his energy out of my space, and I needed to be stern about that.  It hurt him, I know.  I wish it didn't have to... but I needed to do what would be best for me.  Since the end of July I have caught wind of what's going on with him, and who knows what the truth is, really... but the way I feel when I hear about him totally trips me out.  I don't feel sad, I definitely don't feel angry, and I certainly don't want bad things for him... but I want him to be happy... separately from me.

A few days ago I got a message from his girlfriend, telling me not to talk to him. (I don't.)  I don't know what made her angry but she was feeling something and wanted to make me angry too. She wrote me to tell me things about him and other girls.  Things I didn't need or ask to know.  I've never met this woman, and I never will, but the idea of her going out of her way to try to hurt me made me feel sick.  I was flooded with weird emotions when I read her message, but surprisingly, none of them were jealousy.  I didn't care about who else he has been with, and I certainly don't want to be in his girlfriend's position now.

My initial reaction was to respond and defend myself.  I wanted her to know that I don't contact him at ALL and have no plans to do so.  I wanted to tell her to leave me alone, and that I have nothing to do with their relationship.  I sat on it a few days, knowing that an emotional response might not be smart.  I decided in the end to not respond at all, and to block both of them from contacting me on facebook.  I just don't want it.

The main point of all of this though isn't to tell you all a funny story... it's the fact that the way I responded and the way I felt about all of it made me really proud of how far I've come.  I feel like I've taken the right steps to properly heal after losing what was the most substantial relationship of my life this far. I'll never doubt that we loved each other.  His love was obvious, and mine was so big that it hurt, but in the end it just wasn't that one, big, life-long, always and forever, most important person you'll ever meet love.  And I am at peace with that.